The Loneliness Problem

MARUYAMA Zoo - Loneliness. © by MJ/TR (´・ω・)

If we took a survey of HSP’s, how many would say they are lonely? Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Being alone and enjoying it come from our full engagement with life.  Loneliness is something else.

Loneliness often feels like we have been graded and found wanting.  It feels like a suffocating prison to which we do not hold the key. When we experience loneliness, we often experience it as a form of rejection. Sometimes it feels like we are in a different place from everyone else, and so we feel the loneliness of our difference. Our inability to find or share common ground can give rise to feelings of loneliness.

Being a highly sensitive person inevitably invites lonely feelings just because of who we are.  Because we perceive and experience differently we are often at a disadvantage in our relationships. On an interpersonal basis sharing differences in perception and experience is not so difficult.  The greater difficulty comes from not really sharing the language of a culture that is the basis for interpersonal exchange. The sensitivities and values difference that come from a holistic living experience are hard to integrate into an us vs. them culture.

Highly sensitive people have much to give in a world that often does not want what we have to offer. Our hearts are so big but they are often big by themselves. It feels like you are out on a limb in a world that wants to chop it down at any moment.  Very risky! Yet you cannot do otherwise, because you would then be betraying yourself.  So you therefore carry the torch even if no one can see it, even when you feel foolish, hoping that at some point the world will stop long enough to see that there is no them, and that then you will not be lonely any more.



  1. aron says

    I’m a HSP male in my 30s now. I’ve always felt lonely, even though i’m ‘popular’. But as i’ve aged the lonely feelings have gnawed away at me with more intensity. I’m single, so that’s part of the issue. I’m an attractive guy, but it’s the feelings of being different and others not understanding you once they get past the looks novelty. I’m often seen as ‘weird’. ‘high maintenance’ ‘strange’, too intense’ etc. I really believe that HSPs have a deep intense need for human connection on a deep emotional, mental and physical level, with some one who gets them.I always go to sleep dreaming that someone would hold me and i can hear there heart beat or stroke there hair. I’m scared that this will get harder to find as i age.

    • Maria says

      Hi Aron,

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your concerns. I agree with your assessment of the needs of highly sensitive people and that most of us experience extreme loneliness. If you are settled where you are, I would suggest creating a social group for highly sensitive people and see if that brings that special someone into your life.

      Let me know how it goes,

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